15 week belly

by the end of the day i'm always sticking out WAY farther then in the morning. This was at like 11:30 last night... 15 week belly!

time go a TINY faster...

Ok.. 12 days from today will be a bIG DAY!!! We are going to be finding out what we are having!!!! o my goodness. can't wait.
THEN we can really prepare!!!
and pick a name.. (yeah!!)
and get the room together! (ya ya!!!!!!!)
and tell everyone! (Ye HAW!)
and call our baby a HIM OR a HER! (GREAT GREAT!) not a kid or a child.. or the worst.. an IT.
o can't wait..
can't wait..
REALLY can't wait...
the countdown is on..

AND NOW THE QUESTION IS... what do you think we are having?? Sean says girl every time I ask him. My mom says girl and so does Sean's mom. Dad think's it a boy all the way and so does my boss Melissa... I HAVE NO IDEA.. yep. no inspiration for me with that!

my secret fears....

I'm scared every day... Afraid I'll start cramping and bleeding..

I'm scared when I go in for a check up my baby won't be fine...

I'm scared with every tiny twinge of pain or weird thing that happens...

I worry daily.. I wake up at night.. I look at my belly most of the day.

Sean and I spent two years on our knees praying for a child. We went through medical hell to be told we are pregnant. I personally had to overcome my largest longest fear I've had, of needles. Not only had I avoided giving blood my whole life I passed out from fear of shots from the nurses since I can remember. I learned how to give an injection to a ball so that I could stick myself right into my belly. I also have always had a dislike for the DR's office. I just avoided it all together. With this I went in daily, every other day at the very least.

I learned how to love my DR and be thankful for what they do. Without their knowledge and hard work we wouldn't have had a baby. Without someone who cared as much as we did if we got pregnant, they wouldn't have pushed as hard and upped our doses like we needed. Without their compassion I wouldn't have overcome my fear a fast and as easily (if you can say easy...) without them pushing and showing understanding for me I would have probably given up on myself. I would have been the girl waiting in the lobby to have the nurse administer my shot when she had time. Or I would have been home crying, listening to all those around me get excited about their children and their pregnancy while i just prayed and cried. They helped me with my faith with their works and helped me show my faith with my works!!!

but even still having grown both in faith and person, I am scared. I worry every day and I guess that's normal. But after what we went through I'm sure it will stay this way till my baby is in my arms and then my fears will be gone... and replaced by a whole set of new ones!

so.. yes. I am scared everyday.

But mostly I am thankful everyday.

URGENT pregnancy question!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok............. my belly shrunk??? like I went to bed.. then woke up and it was TINY.. like real little.. is this normal?? no cramping or bleeding... but it is scaring me!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was starting to show for real not just look fat.. and now??? flat (well... nearly flat) belly...

bigger and bigger!!!

Baby is getting bigger and bigger.. that means mommy is getting bigger and bigger. Haaaa. I don't know how real it was to Sean that I actually have a child in my body. BUT lately since I have a belly already (which people keep telling me I shouldn't) BUT I do.. so guess that means I'm just fat. ANYHOW Sean has been so funny. Every day when I get ready and come downstairs he looks at my belly first. Then... his whole face lights up. And he says "o look at your belly, that's our baby." and I always respond "and baby is getting bigger and bigger." And then he grabs my tummy. (of course in a cute way)
Let me just tell you, this thrills me, straight to the core. When I was first pregnant and I would just stare and hold my belly (that was very tiny) and he wouldn't really react at all to my baby, well our baby. BUT I think it wasn't really very real to him yet. However, now he sees the belly getting bigger and he can put it in his hand, it seems more real to him. It's been such a fun thing to watch.
I can't wait to make Sean a daddy. It's what he was made for. You can tell by his activities and the fact that he always goes straight for the kids and snacks in nursery and at family functions. The adults (even though they all try for his attention.. yes he's VERY cool) he just goes to the babies. Well.. toddlers. He is a little scared of newborns I think. Anyways... Let me just say this is fun. Every day is so fun.
AND now that we're in our second trimester I can definately tell my body is getting settled into being pregnant. I don't have crazy CRAZY moodswings like before and some other things seem more regular with my body. AND I don't hate everyone!!! also.. not as tired. LOVING my pregnancy!!!!! It was more then worth the wait that we had. I will never forget those two years of tears and pain... But they have made this bliss for me.

brave soul...

today... was the first time someone asked me if I was pregnant!!! I loved it... my response was "wow you are a brave soul for asking me that. (pause and wait a little more...) but YES I'm pregnant!"

I'm not going to lie. So far? I have loved being pregnant. I love everything about it. I think I was made for this. Being a vessel for my child has been the best experience of my life up to this point. BESIDES being married to my wonderful husband.

10 and 11 weeks

Here I am back at 5 weeks.....
Now here I am at almost 12 weeks... getting BIGGER!!!

here is baby at 10 weeks:

We'll get to find out what our little package is March 8th at 10:30am and we can barely wait!! Sean keeps saying "That's too far!!!!!" But come on.. we waited two years to get pregnant and we're finding out at 16 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT THE USUAL 20.. I think we can wait!!! o but can we!! We CAn'T WAIT!!! We're very excited little parents to be!!!

crap

it seems to me that everyone you meet needs to be involved. really?? is it not hard enough to pick a name that you and your husband agree on?? but really??? involve 6 more people or 15 more people?? or people from work or school?? no dice. that's where it stops for me. we'll have to keep this between the two of us and just have that be that. sorry we're not sharing any more.

baby things... small little tiny itsy bisty baby things...

I can't help it... I've been sewing like crazy. Wish they were for me! But... I've decided to hold off till we know what we're having. I've been crafting for others, which I love. Today I made two mama nursing covers. ADORABLE! I love them. I wish one was for me.. (But like I said I'm waiting.. A little bit) Also... more rags for mommy and a car seat cover so no one can look at my baby when I don't want them to.. It'll be like a surprise! Can't wait to see my cousins faces when they get them!
Joint baby shower fun!!! Next weekend my cousin Kate and my sister Erica are having their combined shower for their little boys! O and it starts!! There will be about 13 more to come with all the cousins pregnant right now! Between now and August there will be lots of new babies on our ever growing family. Can't wait to meet them all!! And yes.. I will be the last one to have my baby.

GIFT IDEAS!

I want to get our DR's office something for this gift of life they gave us!!!!! What should we get them!!??? any ideas would be GREAT!!!!!!!

our baby is moving... a lot

SO we haven't felt the baby at all. In fact, I had no idea that the baby was really moving much at this point. But I was shown otherwise today when we went in for our last visit with our Fertility Specialist. Bye Ann Marie! And Marray!! We'll miss you. This was a sad but really exciting day for us. We went in for our 9 week and final ultrasound at the Utah Fertility Clinic.
We went into our little room, and got ready for our baby! We couldn't wait to see the little one again. So the ultrasound begins and we see little arms and legs!! and then... they start moving. SO FAST. Wiggling and curling up into itself! Our baby was dancing! It was so beautiful! I was in shock!! I could see it's little arms and tiny legs just moving so fast trying to build muscle and perfect his/her moves! It was amazing. I've never seen anything like that. Our baby is growing and growing! And getting bigger and bigger every day. I couldn't believe the difference from last time, just two weeks ago!
What a special day for us. We also got to hear the heartbeat. What a great sound. It makes a mommy to be relax a little. It was 168.98 today. Quite a bit higher then last time. He told us it would keep going up till about week 20. So we shall see on the 24th when we go meet our OB what the heartbeat is that day! We got 7 new pictures of our little bug and we love it. Can't believe all these feelings that have replaced the sadness and longing from before. Now we just want to know what our baby is so we can stop calling our little tootsie roll an "it". I hate that!! I keep calling "it" a boy and everyone asks if we know already! But of course we don't. It's just better then not being anything... Anyhow. We got our pictures and our good luck card from the office staff up there and we said our good byes.
On our way out our Dr says "Ok, we expect pictures when the baby is born!! If not, we do repo the baby!!!" haaaaaaaaa I about died. But of course we'll send pictures!!! This baby will have more pictures taken of it then anything else on this planet!! We are two really proud/humble/thankful/happy parents to be!!!!!!!!

baby baby baby!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so tired... I sleep all day (except when I'm forced to work) and I just daydream about my little tootsie roll. But I'm not sick. So I will take tired any day. We've started setting up our baby's room and it's really coming along. Sean has agreed that I can pick out all the bedroom things, bedding. furniture.. you know. Things like that. Can't wait till it's all done. Funny thing though we were talking about yesterday, we probably won't even be living here when the baby makes his/ appearance. Maybe not even in Utah. We shall see.
Anyhow.. Everything is all about babies now a days and I love it! I love my sweet husband and it's been really fun to share all these things with eachother. We didn't know when this would happen. It's still a little overwhelming that we're actually finally going to have a baby Stewart in our family. We can't WAIT!!! August 19.. please come quickly!!!

flutter flutter flutter!!!

goes the TINY little heartbeat!!! Today we got to go to the Dr and see our tiny little baby!!!! It was amazing. I've never experienced anything like it. Seeing our little one on the screen and hearing baby's pounding heartbeat. O my goodness. I live for that little heartbeat. 151.78 BPM

Life will never be the same and we can't wait. We have looked forward to our baby for so long I can hardly believe it's finally happening. It's real! We're having a baby! We were given great news, everything looked perfect today. Baby is growing just right and mom seems to be doing well too!

I haven't been sick really. Smells get to me and make me a tiny sick but for the most part all I am is really tired. I sleep. It's all I do. I go to bed when I get home. I sleep till nearly 11am everyday. Of course parts have gotten bigger. Much bigger. They really didn't need to. O goodness. But they did. And I get grumpy easy... But that's all

All in all these last 7 weeks and 3 days have been wonderful!!! Thanks again everyone for the continued support!!!

the new year brings many, many things!

This year will hold so many things for us! We can't hardly wait to have them all happen! We have been so blessed this last year and this new year is already full of blessings. Can't believe how lucky we have been. Here are a few of the things Sean and I will get to experience!

1. Sean graduates from BYU Law School

2. Sean gets a job! A REAL JOB!

3. We'll be moving to wherever that job takes us!

4. The baby will be born! (this is the most exciting to me but this is the order it will happen I think...)

5. Buying our first house! (this is the plan... we've found a few things in the different places we could be moving to)

6. Taking our baby to do all his/hers/their first things! First Thanksgiving at Grandma Jensen's

7. Baby's first Christmas with Grammy and Grandpa Floyd!!!!

and then lots of other things we don't know about yet!!!!! We can't wait to see this year unfold!

tiny Christmas....

So the Christmas itself wasn't tiny. In fact I've never seen so many gifts in one place. BUT everything we got was tiny. baby shoes... baby dresses... newborn pants... onsies... baby shampoo and lotions. It was a great Christmas!

Looks like SOMEONE think's we're having a girl... We shall see!!!

names... FUN!?? um.. maybe... maybe not

Louis, Kevin, Calvin, Marshall, Corver, Dawson, Sawyer, Beck, Merrick, Travers... The names go ON AND ON AND ON... and we can seem to have a great time picking names. Sean likes one... I like another... I want him to like the one I LIKE... and he wants the same with me and his. O boy o boy.. it just keeps going round and round. So I keep telling him about new names so we can leave the ones in the past behind (the ones when there were tears and hurt feelings because he didn't just give in) and come together with a new one. One that just rings perfect to both of us.. BUT what should I expect?? In naming both the dogs we've had since we got married Sean hated all the names and finally just left it up to me... I can hope right??? BABY?? will I get to name you!!??? no.. unfortunately i won't.
We'll just end up having to compromise and settle with something that doesn't kill us both to say.. But what a HUGE responsibility.. Our child will walk around the rest of his/her/their lives with this attached to them... And here we are so happy to finally be pregnant... neither on of us is wanting to lift our heels and budge a little.. O no...
I really want to do family names.. My family is so important to me and I want to give our children a name that is within our family gennerations back or even not very long ago.. This tiny little thing is very important to me... but Sean doesn't care because he doesn't LOVE those names. but Corver/Korver?? As in KYLE KORVER of the UT Jazz?? He's totally fine with that.. O freaking crap.. This might take the whole 9 months... Perhaps that's why it takes to long to make a baby.. So the parents can be done arguing over the name when they get here!?? Anyways... Any name suggestions or advice would be GREATLY apprciated. Thanks thanks.. again my email is: stewartlaurenf@gmail.com
and thank everyone who emailed me last time! I apprecited it!!!

tiny scare....

So... Last night we had a little scare and had to go to the hospital this morning. We had some light spotting last night and it scared me to death. I laid down the whole night then when we could get in to see our DR we left.
Bummer??? We waited for over 5 hours to hear back.. Their office was so so busy today. BUT the hgc levels came in and they looked great. They're doubled since Sunday afternoon. Our DR told us that light spotting is totally normal as long as there are no cramps or lots of bleeding. So we left feeling ok.. But we did feel much better after they called.
We can't wait to hear the little heart beating!! And i'm sure after that we'll feel much more secure in our new pregnancy. Only a few more weeks till that big day!! Can't wait! CAN'T WAIT!!!

Anyways... if you guys don't mind.. I'd like to hear about your pregnancy's so that I can know a little more about this stage we're in... my email is
stewartlaurenf@gmail.com

over 24 hours now....

So yesterday we got the best news ever... We're expecting... A BABY!!! I had gotten to the point where I was ready to accept the fact that I would never see a positive pregnancy test for myself, that I would never be lying awake at night praying for my baby to be healthy, to see my tummy grow, and to see Sean's features in that little angelic face when he/she/them arrive. And in one instant it was all changed.
That wonderful nurse changed our lives when she brought in that positive test. I can see the future more brightly and see my little family getting bigger and I can feel that love pouring out from my Father in heaven. I cannot believe in the last 36 hours I have said the words "We're having a baby!!!" or "I'm PREGNANT!" and " There's a baby in my belly!!" "Sean! you're going to be a daddy!" I don't think people can actually grasp the reality of what we have been going through even a little bit unless you've tried to sleep a few nights wondering why you cannot have a child? or going to bed feeling like a complete failure.
The one that really used to get me was that if Sean had married someone else he would have for sure already had a baby, and I felt like I was taking that from him. Sean's sweet mom said to me one day when i uttered those heartbreaking words to her... And this is what she said " Well obviously he was supposed to go through this too because we all know he was supposed to marry you. And we don't know why, but you two have to do this hard thing and we'll all do it together." It lessened the sting but of course I still felt terrible for taking that from my husband who was of all things made to be a daddy.
Of course Sean hated it when I talked like that but it was how I felt. But all those feelings and thoughts have been taken away in the last day and a half and replaced with such amazement and gratitude that I'm overly full and don't know where to put these extra bits of happiness. I'm so thankful for a merciful God who knows when the best time is for us and what our lives hold when we don't. Of course I still don't know why we had to wait so long but I do know I will never be more thankful for an answered prayer and I'll never feel closer to my Heavenly Father then I do right now, being pregnant and sharing with my husband the purpose of life and God's great plan for us and our family.
We're so excited to have a little baby join this family. We can't wait to see him/her/them on the ultrasound instead of just eggs... and a barren uterus. O my goodness... Still can't believe it. Well... I guess all we have left to say is welcome baby!!! We can't wait to meet you!!! with love, your parents!

Dear Lauren and Sean...

We went in today for our baseline appointment to make sure my body is back to normal after all the meds we had to take last month. When we got there it was so busy, the waiting room was packed. We waited over half an hour past our appointment time and just waited... and waited... Finally it was our turn. We got to see Ann Marie (she's our favorite nurse) She took us into the room we've been in so many times I could tell you everything that is in there. And we talked about our last cycle and about our weird period we're having this weekend. Since Friday night??? Nothing. Clean tampons. All day Saturday the same thing. Not even tiny spots! It was like it never happened.

So upon hearing this Ann Marie told us we were going to do a pregnancy test. So into a cup I got to pee. Then go get undressed and wait for our ultrasound. Our sweet nurse Ann Marie came in crying... We were pregnant! This is the first time we have ever had a positive pregnancy test with the DR. So we did blood work and our HCG levels were all the way up to 492... and for what day we are it should be around 300.. So we shall see! We go in January 3rd for our first OB Ultrasound... And we'll find out if we're having twins or one! We can't wait to see our tiny little one.

So here is a picture of our pee stick... HAAA GREAT!! I took that all the way home so I could show Rush that he's going to be a big brother! And here I am at 4 and a half weeks!!!! So happy! still can't believe it's finally happening for us!!!!

Thank you everyone for your prayers and thoughts during this time for us. We owe you and our Heavenly Father for our baby! We love you all.. Thank you for the unending support!!!

Dr... Dr... give me some news!

So tomorrow morning we're going into the DR to make sure our parts are all back down to size and ready to pump them full of meds again. Tomorrow is day two of our cycle and we'll start clomid.
Sean keeps saying that this month will be our month. He seems to feel really well about this so hopefully... he's right... That would be so nice. We'd rather spend the money on baby things... not meds to make my body POSSIBLY have a baby. This cycle we are going to talk to the DR about using Gonal F. It was recommended to us by one of our friends who's doing the same things as we are. They've just done it all two more times then we have. But we'll know more after we talk to the DR tomorrow morning.
This month was much easier on the emotions it seems then last month. In November I cried for about a week before I could come back down to earth and focus on our life here that we are so blessed to have. My poor sweet mom... She gets the mad/upset/distraught/giving up phone calls from me. It makes her sad for us. But I hope she knows we are happy and we know we have a good life. We just get a little down sometimes.
We have the best support system that anyone could ask for. Sean's mom.. I can just show up with I need to cry and her shoulder is there ready to be stained with my mascara and even his dad.. As hard as this is for us, it's really brought us closer. And for that we are and will be forever thankful.

Anyways.. Off to bed.

rude awakening........

We opted out of taking the pregnancy test at the DR this time. It seems to be harder to hear it from them then to just wait and find out on our own. So we waited. Great. We didn't even have to pee on a stick we just waited for the cramps to become so bad I just knew I was going to hate being a girl for the next week. And now this image below... She's my best friend and my greatest enemy right now. Only problem is... I need her.

So you probably can guess we're again NOT pregnant...

rags for mommy!!!!

So there has always been and will always be burp rags for baby... And I decided I wanted some burp rags just for mommy. I know that it's not fun to feel like you smell like throw up and always be covered in food, but we do it because we love those little ones. Well here are some sassy burp cloths just for mommy's. Of course the babies can use them too...

Now mommy will always look clean and cute.... from behind. With little buttons and bows or flowers and ribbons these have been jazzed up to make mom feel a little fancy, special or cute, maybe even trendy while sitting in church or her husband's work or school and holding that little spewing bundle of joy. OF course the buttons and bows go on your shoulder blade and the soft part for the baby on the front. You can order these in sets of three for $30

or just individually for $12.

Let me know and I can make any kind, color or theme that you are wanting!

just send an email to stewartlaurenf@gmail.com and we'll get it all figured out for you!!

Faith without works is dead...

Well, what about works without faith? Sometimes I feel like we do all these things but the words "I'm pregnant!" won't ever be spoken by me. BUT daily I'm doing injections, I'm taking pills, I'm going to the DR, and praying for a miracle. And yet when I think about it I don't really know if I believe it will happen. And I'm not saying this out of dispair but just out of the reality of how I feel. I see people every day who are pregnant, I see little tiny babies born out of wedlock, and I see people who are married but don't want children and yet they are pregnant and they are so angry or sad.
Yesterday I actually walked into the bathroom at work and there were like 10 girls standing there in front of the mirror... Our bathroom's really not that big. SO I was a little shocked, but didn't stop just went in to use the bathroom. From outside the stall I hear " Well I guess if you're pregnant you're pregnant and there's nothing you can do about it. I'm Sorry." and the girl I can't see responds... " Yeah.. I guess.. ahhhhhhhhhhh" All of this was spoken with them being sad and in despair. I was so heartbroken for her. She has no idea what a blessing it is to be able to have children. I was talking to Sean last night, and I said "I think we should just be able to get pregnant without medicine and I don't understand why we even need it"... He didn't know what to say except well... "We know what's wrong and we're trying to fix it. The DR's are hopeful and the meds seem to be working." But somehow that doesn't make me feel better. We've been waiting and trying since the day we got married to have a baby. That was over two years ago. And we're still in the same place. A young (of course not as young as we were) married couple who is trying to have a baby. Only now, I'm looking like a pin cushion because of all the needles I've had to stick in myself and I've gained 13 pounds since taking the meds and I feel fat! ha. When we got married I was hole free and in great shape.
Anyhow... My thoughts were about the Scripture that says "Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone. Yea, a man may say, Thou hast faith, and I have works, shew me thy faith without thy works and I will shew thee my faith by my works." James 2:17-18. So.. When I think that my faith is dead I guess it's not... OF course I course I get sad sometimes, but I'm doing everything I can and so is Sean. Praying, fasting, going to church, poking myself and pumping growth hormones into my body and praying some more.... So I guess I do have faith. I'm doing everything I can and from here? I'll let God help me and do the rest. So yes, someday we'll be able to call all of you and say "We're HAVING A BABY!!" and of course we knew all along we would. We just had to wait longer and work a little harder then some.

iui........? Done

So we finally got our eggs large enough and we got to do our iui (intrauterine insemination) and it went just great actually. Last time there was AWFUL cramping and I couldn't sit down and stand up and sit back down without pain.. But this time?? none of that. She was so careful.
We had gone out to Denver for Thanksgiving to spend the holiday with Randall and his girls and we did our treatment out there.
At the Fertility Clinic we went to there, there are two DR's that work out of that office and both are world renowned for their work with IUI and IVF. So we were glad to have them.
So I did my HCG trigger shot at 8pm on the 24th in the middle of a game of monopoly on the living room floor with Sean and Gwen there to help. Then 36 hours later we did our procedure. And it was quick and only painful at first (stupid cold silver tool of death) the rest was fine.
After that?? Nap time to make a full recovery THEN wake up to 3 beautiful little girls running around.
Thanksgiving?? It was so great. Gwen cooked the dinner and HONESTLY it was the best turkey I remember having. SO moist and the flavor was divine! AND MY FAVORITE STUFFING!?? she put it UNDER the turkey to bake and that's a SECRET.. DON'T tell anyone about that ... mmmmmmmmmmmmm so good!!!

again.. MOM!!! here are some more!