tiny Christmas....

So the Christmas itself wasn't tiny. In fact I've never seen so many gifts in one place. BUT everything we got was tiny. baby shoes... baby dresses... newborn pants... onsies... baby shampoo and lotions. It was a great Christmas!

Looks like SOMEONE think's we're having a girl... We shall see!!!

names... FUN!?? um.. maybe... maybe not

Louis, Kevin, Calvin, Marshall, Corver, Dawson, Sawyer, Beck, Merrick, Travers... The names go ON AND ON AND ON... and we can seem to have a great time picking names. Sean likes one... I like another... I want him to like the one I LIKE... and he wants the same with me and his. O boy o boy.. it just keeps going round and round. So I keep telling him about new names so we can leave the ones in the past behind (the ones when there were tears and hurt feelings because he didn't just give in) and come together with a new one. One that just rings perfect to both of us.. BUT what should I expect?? In naming both the dogs we've had since we got married Sean hated all the names and finally just left it up to me... I can hope right??? BABY?? will I get to name you!!??? no.. unfortunately i won't.
We'll just end up having to compromise and settle with something that doesn't kill us both to say.. But what a HUGE responsibility.. Our child will walk around the rest of his/her/their lives with this attached to them... And here we are so happy to finally be pregnant... neither on of us is wanting to lift our heels and budge a little.. O no...
I really want to do family names.. My family is so important to me and I want to give our children a name that is within our family gennerations back or even not very long ago.. This tiny little thing is very important to me... but Sean doesn't care because he doesn't LOVE those names. but Corver/Korver?? As in KYLE KORVER of the UT Jazz?? He's totally fine with that.. O freaking crap.. This might take the whole 9 months... Perhaps that's why it takes to long to make a baby.. So the parents can be done arguing over the name when they get here!?? Anyways... Any name suggestions or advice would be GREATLY apprciated. Thanks thanks.. again my email is: stewartlaurenf@gmail.com
and thank everyone who emailed me last time! I apprecited it!!!

tiny scare....

So... Last night we had a little scare and had to go to the hospital this morning. We had some light spotting last night and it scared me to death. I laid down the whole night then when we could get in to see our DR we left.
Bummer??? We waited for over 5 hours to hear back.. Their office was so so busy today. BUT the hgc levels came in and they looked great. They're doubled since Sunday afternoon. Our DR told us that light spotting is totally normal as long as there are no cramps or lots of bleeding. So we left feeling ok.. But we did feel much better after they called.
We can't wait to hear the little heart beating!! And i'm sure after that we'll feel much more secure in our new pregnancy. Only a few more weeks till that big day!! Can't wait! CAN'T WAIT!!!

Anyways... if you guys don't mind.. I'd like to hear about your pregnancy's so that I can know a little more about this stage we're in... my email is
stewartlaurenf@gmail.com

over 24 hours now....

So yesterday we got the best news ever... We're expecting... A BABY!!! I had gotten to the point where I was ready to accept the fact that I would never see a positive pregnancy test for myself, that I would never be lying awake at night praying for my baby to be healthy, to see my tummy grow, and to see Sean's features in that little angelic face when he/she/them arrive. And in one instant it was all changed.
That wonderful nurse changed our lives when she brought in that positive test. I can see the future more brightly and see my little family getting bigger and I can feel that love pouring out from my Father in heaven. I cannot believe in the last 36 hours I have said the words "We're having a baby!!!" or "I'm PREGNANT!" and " There's a baby in my belly!!" "Sean! you're going to be a daddy!" I don't think people can actually grasp the reality of what we have been going through even a little bit unless you've tried to sleep a few nights wondering why you cannot have a child? or going to bed feeling like a complete failure.
The one that really used to get me was that if Sean had married someone else he would have for sure already had a baby, and I felt like I was taking that from him. Sean's sweet mom said to me one day when i uttered those heartbreaking words to her... And this is what she said " Well obviously he was supposed to go through this too because we all know he was supposed to marry you. And we don't know why, but you two have to do this hard thing and we'll all do it together." It lessened the sting but of course I still felt terrible for taking that from my husband who was of all things made to be a daddy.
Of course Sean hated it when I talked like that but it was how I felt. But all those feelings and thoughts have been taken away in the last day and a half and replaced with such amazement and gratitude that I'm overly full and don't know where to put these extra bits of happiness. I'm so thankful for a merciful God who knows when the best time is for us and what our lives hold when we don't. Of course I still don't know why we had to wait so long but I do know I will never be more thankful for an answered prayer and I'll never feel closer to my Heavenly Father then I do right now, being pregnant and sharing with my husband the purpose of life and God's great plan for us and our family.
We're so excited to have a little baby join this family. We can't wait to see him/her/them on the ultrasound instead of just eggs... and a barren uterus. O my goodness... Still can't believe it. Well... I guess all we have left to say is welcome baby!!! We can't wait to meet you!!! with love, your parents!

Dear Lauren and Sean...

We went in today for our baseline appointment to make sure my body is back to normal after all the meds we had to take last month. When we got there it was so busy, the waiting room was packed. We waited over half an hour past our appointment time and just waited... and waited... Finally it was our turn. We got to see Ann Marie (she's our favorite nurse) She took us into the room we've been in so many times I could tell you everything that is in there. And we talked about our last cycle and about our weird period we're having this weekend. Since Friday night??? Nothing. Clean tampons. All day Saturday the same thing. Not even tiny spots! It was like it never happened.

So upon hearing this Ann Marie told us we were going to do a pregnancy test. So into a cup I got to pee. Then go get undressed and wait for our ultrasound. Our sweet nurse Ann Marie came in crying... We were pregnant! This is the first time we have ever had a positive pregnancy test with the DR. So we did blood work and our HCG levels were all the way up to 492... and for what day we are it should be around 300.. So we shall see! We go in January 3rd for our first OB Ultrasound... And we'll find out if we're having twins or one! We can't wait to see our tiny little one.

So here is a picture of our pee stick... HAAA GREAT!! I took that all the way home so I could show Rush that he's going to be a big brother! And here I am at 4 and a half weeks!!!! So happy! still can't believe it's finally happening for us!!!!

Thank you everyone for your prayers and thoughts during this time for us. We owe you and our Heavenly Father for our baby! We love you all.. Thank you for the unending support!!!

Dr... Dr... give me some news!

So tomorrow morning we're going into the DR to make sure our parts are all back down to size and ready to pump them full of meds again. Tomorrow is day two of our cycle and we'll start clomid.
Sean keeps saying that this month will be our month. He seems to feel really well about this so hopefully... he's right... That would be so nice. We'd rather spend the money on baby things... not meds to make my body POSSIBLY have a baby. This cycle we are going to talk to the DR about using Gonal F. It was recommended to us by one of our friends who's doing the same things as we are. They've just done it all two more times then we have. But we'll know more after we talk to the DR tomorrow morning.
This month was much easier on the emotions it seems then last month. In November I cried for about a week before I could come back down to earth and focus on our life here that we are so blessed to have. My poor sweet mom... She gets the mad/upset/distraught/giving up phone calls from me. It makes her sad for us. But I hope she knows we are happy and we know we have a good life. We just get a little down sometimes.
We have the best support system that anyone could ask for. Sean's mom.. I can just show up with I need to cry and her shoulder is there ready to be stained with my mascara and even his dad.. As hard as this is for us, it's really brought us closer. And for that we are and will be forever thankful.

Anyways.. Off to bed.

rude awakening........

We opted out of taking the pregnancy test at the DR this time. It seems to be harder to hear it from them then to just wait and find out on our own. So we waited. Great. We didn't even have to pee on a stick we just waited for the cramps to become so bad I just knew I was going to hate being a girl for the next week. And now this image below... She's my best friend and my greatest enemy right now. Only problem is... I need her.

So you probably can guess we're again NOT pregnant...

rags for mommy!!!!

So there has always been and will always be burp rags for baby... And I decided I wanted some burp rags just for mommy. I know that it's not fun to feel like you smell like throw up and always be covered in food, but we do it because we love those little ones. Well here are some sassy burp cloths just for mommy's. Of course the babies can use them too...

Now mommy will always look clean and cute.... from behind. With little buttons and bows or flowers and ribbons these have been jazzed up to make mom feel a little fancy, special or cute, maybe even trendy while sitting in church or her husband's work or school and holding that little spewing bundle of joy. OF course the buttons and bows go on your shoulder blade and the soft part for the baby on the front. You can order these in sets of three for $30

or just individually for $12.

Let me know and I can make any kind, color or theme that you are wanting!

just send an email to stewartlaurenf@gmail.com and we'll get it all figured out for you!!

Faith without works is dead...

Well, what about works without faith? Sometimes I feel like we do all these things but the words "I'm pregnant!" won't ever be spoken by me. BUT daily I'm doing injections, I'm taking pills, I'm going to the DR, and praying for a miracle. And yet when I think about it I don't really know if I believe it will happen. And I'm not saying this out of dispair but just out of the reality of how I feel. I see people every day who are pregnant, I see little tiny babies born out of wedlock, and I see people who are married but don't want children and yet they are pregnant and they are so angry or sad.
Yesterday I actually walked into the bathroom at work and there were like 10 girls standing there in front of the mirror... Our bathroom's really not that big. SO I was a little shocked, but didn't stop just went in to use the bathroom. From outside the stall I hear " Well I guess if you're pregnant you're pregnant and there's nothing you can do about it. I'm Sorry." and the girl I can't see responds... " Yeah.. I guess.. ahhhhhhhhhhh" All of this was spoken with them being sad and in despair. I was so heartbroken for her. She has no idea what a blessing it is to be able to have children. I was talking to Sean last night, and I said "I think we should just be able to get pregnant without medicine and I don't understand why we even need it"... He didn't know what to say except well... "We know what's wrong and we're trying to fix it. The DR's are hopeful and the meds seem to be working." But somehow that doesn't make me feel better. We've been waiting and trying since the day we got married to have a baby. That was over two years ago. And we're still in the same place. A young (of course not as young as we were) married couple who is trying to have a baby. Only now, I'm looking like a pin cushion because of all the needles I've had to stick in myself and I've gained 13 pounds since taking the meds and I feel fat! ha. When we got married I was hole free and in great shape.
Anyhow... My thoughts were about the Scripture that says "Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone. Yea, a man may say, Thou hast faith, and I have works, shew me thy faith without thy works and I will shew thee my faith by my works." James 2:17-18. So.. When I think that my faith is dead I guess it's not... OF course I course I get sad sometimes, but I'm doing everything I can and so is Sean. Praying, fasting, going to church, poking myself and pumping growth hormones into my body and praying some more.... So I guess I do have faith. I'm doing everything I can and from here? I'll let God help me and do the rest. So yes, someday we'll be able to call all of you and say "We're HAVING A BABY!!" and of course we knew all along we would. We just had to wait longer and work a little harder then some.