iui........? Done

So we finally got our eggs large enough and we got to do our iui (intrauterine insemination) and it went just great actually. Last time there was AWFUL cramping and I couldn't sit down and stand up and sit back down without pain.. But this time?? none of that. She was so careful.
We had gone out to Denver for Thanksgiving to spend the holiday with Randall and his girls and we did our treatment out there.
At the Fertility Clinic we went to there, there are two DR's that work out of that office and both are world renowned for their work with IUI and IVF. So we were glad to have them.
So I did my HCG trigger shot at 8pm on the 24th in the middle of a game of monopoly on the living room floor with Sean and Gwen there to help. Then 36 hours later we did our procedure. And it was quick and only painful at first (stupid cold silver tool of death) the rest was fine.
After that?? Nap time to make a full recovery THEN wake up to 3 beautiful little girls running around.
Thanksgiving?? It was so great. Gwen cooked the dinner and HONESTLY it was the best turkey I remember having. SO moist and the flavor was divine! AND MY FAVORITE STUFFING!?? she put it UNDER the turkey to bake and that's a SECRET.. DON'T tell anyone about that ... mmmmmmmmmmmmm so good!!!

again.. MOM!!! here are some more!

more... more....

a few pictures from our trip to Denver!

our friends little one...

Sean and I have some great friends that just had a baby and we love him... We can't seem to get enough of him and visit every chance we can get. We love little Z. He's one of the most beautiful babies we've ever seen! Look how good Sean is with this little guy.. He'll be the cutest daddy!!!

Thank you for sharing your little guy Dani and Nick!

Great GREAT news today

Today we went in and we fully expected to hear that we don't have any eggs and just will have to scrap this cycle. That was NOT the case. So far this cycle all our eggs have been on the right side that seem to be growing. Today we went in... Nothing on the right side grew at all. But a surprise showed up on the left. We had TWO eggs! They're not quite big enough but nearly there. So we got one last shot today and we're scheduled for our IUI on Friday. I'll be doing my trigger shot tomorrow night at 8pm so we have a full 36 hours from ovulation trigger to insemination.
We couldn't barely believe it. We're both so excited that we didn't really know what to do. So before we left there today, I did a little shot really quick to show the nurses how well I'm doing. I just stood and poked! And it didn't hurt at all... I guess no more icing my tummy for 10 minutes to make sure it was numb before hand anymore... Thanks for the idea Sean.. but it turns out I don't need to be doing that! Grest news!
So we're actually leaving for Denver in a few minutes.. So our IUI will be done by a clinic I've done some research on over in Denver. WE called and got everything scheduled with them today before we left our DR's. We're excited to see how this turns out. Thanks again for all the prayers they must be working!!! Nice team work. HOpe you all have a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving

slowly... slowly... ta da!

So we had an outside regular hours visit this morning. We went in. Still... TINY little follicles in there. BUT one got over 14, and the good thing we learned about that was once that happens, it starts to grow all on its own. So plus the shots?? Hopefully by Tuesday we've got something over 18... That would be great!
We've done so many injections this week and in the days before that I can't find anywhere that isn't bruised to stick... So we're making due and it's going well. I just feel like it's our job to do everything possible and from there God will pick up the rest. So we're looking forward to Tuesday to see what we're working with. And then?? It's off to Denver to see our little loves! We haven't seen our nieces since Christine and Alec's wedding over a year ago. We miss them.
We'll be spending Thanksgiving with Randall and Gwen and their little girls. And... we're looking forward to having our own little ones some day. For now? We'll share... And.. Sean and I are in the Nursery at church.. Every Sunday we're in there I love it all the more. Those little ones are so sweet and funny and very smart. I'm sad to see them leave every week... but i enjoy them while I can.
That's all... I love those babies! Sarah and Savannah... and Ethan and Porter?? and Little Brynlee.. and all the rest. We really enjoy our calling and for now??... That's enough. We'll keep trying and working towards our babies but we'll love all the time we get with the ones we have for a few minutes out of each week.

ok..

today we got some more crappy news for us. The Bravell/Bravelle injections are not working. Nothing great at all. All our follicles are still 13 mm or smaller. So nothing going on with us today. They did give us the option of stopping today or upping the doses. So of course we decided to up the doses. We're doing two shots a day till Sunday, so we had to order 7 more vials of bravelle and that cost a pretty penny. We will be going back in Sunday morning to see if it's doing anything for us.
Hopefully it works great. We shall see. The money is really adding up. I don't know if we'll be able to do this again. So all our eggs are right in that one basket.. Well the basket is empty right now. But we're hoping to put all our eggs in it. We're so thankful for the help we've received to help us have our little baby. We'll owe that tiny little life to them. So if this time doesn't give us a good result we'll be waiting a while before jumping on the IUI wagon again.

crossing all our fingers...

Tomorrow morning we'll hopefully have some great news about our eggs... Hopefully MUCH better then this last Monday... We've done so many growth hormones this week we're praying for like three or four follicles of good size that will turn into eggs and give us a few chances of having babies... So like I said, all our fingers are crossed...
We did have to run into the DR today to pick up more meds for our shot tonight. I've done one everyday since Sunday and I had done one Friday night as well. Tonight was a little harder, I couldn't find a spot that wasn't bruised and sore so it was a little tricky getting it done. But of course with my sweet husband to help me, we were able to take care of it.
Rush, our little baby Pom, just lays at my feet while I do the shots. He waits right at my feet kind of under the chair till I'm done icing my tummy, doing the shot and getting the band aid on. It's a little funny, he always follows me right to the couch and lays next to me and watches. It's like he's making sure I'm fine. I am probably imagining it but he always looks a little sad when I go to lay down after. He's my little angel. (an angel that does everything bad he can think of because he thinks its funny) I love him. He took care of me while Sean was gone over this last summer. He would just stay by me, he was never out of my sight while I was home. Everywhere I go I have a tiny black and hairy shadow following me right at my heels to make sure he doesn't miss out on anything.
Sometimes I think back to while Sean was gone and I can't remember how hard it was, and other times it's so clear I have nightmares and wake up crying. I'm so glad to have my husband back and now Rush doesn't have to try and jump up and lick tears off my face. I never really liked that but it was so funny and really adorable.
Sean is such a good man. He is very strong, (not just his body) but the person he is. He never falters in his convictions. And he is so caring towards me. Without fail, even though I have done over 14 shots now, he comes and sits with me and checks to make sure my skin is numb before I stick myself and he always has a band aid and a gauze ready for when the needle comes out. He never misses a DR's appointment, and always asks questions. He is my support when things are so hard that I can't seem to see past the pain. He's my rock. I am a very blessed little girl.
Thanks Sean for being my sweet love.. I still can't believe you picked me to marry. This crazy loud girl from a tiny town in Washington?? It's amazing how we met, and that we even did. It's still a little funny to me to think back to that day when you and Lance were just walking by looking for "hot babes" And how perfect you seem to be for me blows my mind. My mom always said I needed someone with a great amount of patience, that's you. I am all wound up and get flustered easily and excited and mad and dramatic over tiny things.... You always help me to sit back, take a deep breath and think about it before I blow my top... Or.. in those cases where I've already blown my top to help me to pull it together and think about love and how great our life is.
Just think, this coming Monday will be our two year anniversary. I can't wait to celebrate that day. The day I married my very best friend and scored big time with you as my man!! I love you cuteface!

Answers!!?? Yes i GOT them!!!

Okay.. great great news. I talked to my DR. My REAL DR. Not her nurse... not her receptionist... and not the other nurse...
Great news. I talked to her and the first thing she said was how hard she knew it was when my body didn't respond like it was supposed to. Next words out of her mouth "I take it you guys are wanting to be aggressive?" ahhh EXACTLY! We wouldn't be doing this if we didn't want to be aggressive and have a baby or two. "Yes!" I said. She said next "Okay, I want you to do a shot everyday. Monday-Thursday" o wonderful. So yes, she is happy to work with us and by work with us I mean, she is aggressive like we want to be. We've waited long enough. We want to be parents. Yes. Help us. Work hard with us because we're working hard to have this baby. We're putting all our eggs in ONE basket!! BUT TO EVEN do that we have to have eggs. So here we are. We're doing one shot everyday till Thursday. So that will be seven total Bravelle/growth injections so we can have eggs.

Great great! That's what we want. A DR who is on the same page as we are... in the same book!

well today was interesting at the DR's

We went in today.... And nothing. Nope. My eggs haven't grown, and in fact they lost 3 they can't seem to find. Last time we went in the lady who helped us (always has a problem finding my ovaries and all that and isn't as experienced.) didn't do such a great job. Besides hurting me I had to ask her a few times if she was measuring 2 eggs as one... It turns out she did. Today we only have one egg that was even noticeable. 13.7 mm. Yep. And Friday it was supposedly 12.8. and where did the other 12 and the two 10's go?? O they must have faded into oblivion. NO where to be seen today. This was really frustrating. I have more shots I have to do and the tiny little follicles seem to be content to stay little and not turn into babies. We go back in on the 18th... So hopefully we have better news.
SO after our visit I talked to family just like always... And my mother in law was just as frustrated as I am. The fact that I was noticing somthing wrong and the Nurse not owning up to it?? Yep.. WE're calling the DR and getting a straight story today. We'll get this fixed right up.
So all said, it was a fine visit. And I know now not to let them crush me off when I'm trying to tell them something doesn't feel right or look quite right to me. NO longer will I just say "OK" I'll ask more questions and expect a better, more straight forward answer.

Updates

So Sean and I are trying again, the same procedure we did before. The clomid, then the injections (bravell) and all the ultrasounds and then the IUI. We went in on Friday after doubling up our doses to start with last Sunday.

Friday.. The news wasn't perfect but we're getting there. Again, the follicles have to get to 18 at the very least. As of right now we have two 12's and two 10's. Only thing here... We have the possibility of 4... YES I SAID it. 4 eggs. So last time when they were this size we had to do two more shots to get where we needed to be. Because of how many follicles there are all right about the same size they only want me to do one shot... BUT what if the eggs don't grow enough??? And we end up with NOTHING... They want to be careful about hyper stimulation. But also make sure we've got something. So that is the update for us as of now. We go back in Monday morning to see where we're at on this whole thing. We'll let you know. And then... we wait. Two weeks again and we shall see. hopefully my ovaries don't end up looking like this image below... I will not be an octomom! Two?? for sure. I could do that... 3??? o goodness... Really?? no way... anything more would be WAY too much!

Fall family pictures... By Erica Stewart Photography

Erica Stewart Photography

Thankful hearts....

I realize that things seem to come out like we're pretty down sometimes. So we decided to sit down together and come up with the things that we are so thankful for... our many many blessings. This was the start to our Friday night "date night" What a great kick off.

So here we go...

"count your many blessings, name them one by one..."

1. Family

2. the Gospel

3. Our home we have to live in

4. My job

5. Sean's schooling

6. Our baby Rush

7. Our healthy bodies

8. Friends

9. Me (Sean said this one, he's thankful for me)

10. My wonderful, supportive, patient, loving, kind, handsome husband (the list goes on)

11. Our neighborhood, we've met some wonderful people here

12. Temples and temple marriage

13. Our beautiful ward building

14. Internet, without it we wouldn't have found our DR and would have no idea what is going on in the world around me.

15. People who understand where we're coming from when we get discouraged.

16. The Utah Jazz

17. The democrats loosing the house.

18. Multiple job offers so that Sean can do whatever he wants

19. DR's and modern medicine

20. The gym, we love to stay healthy.

21. Our relationship as husband and wife and best friends.

22. Health Benefits (even though they don't help with infertility treatments)

23. Cars, so we can get to our family that is far

24. Babies, they always bring a smile to our faces.

25. Hot running water and indoor plumbing.

and that's just to list a few... We are truly blessed.

meds meds meds.. That's all I do...

tonight I did the 2nd shot... and then I had to start another med, one that thickens the lining in the uterus.. I cried looking at the bottle. i'm unbelievably sick of taking medicine for something that i was born to do. my body? doesn't agree.......? really?? i should be able to just have kids. i shouldn't be injecting myself... and taking every other med under the sun... in my brain i was born to have babies... that's all i want. to be a mother. yet here i am. apparently not.

Round 2 of shots... and 6 of fertility meds...

Here we go again. Tonight Sean and I sat together and prepared my tummy for the first injection. Typically what you do is mix 1 part liquid with 1 part of the powder bravell. But with how long and how much help it took last time they changed it to: 1 part liquid and 2 parts bravell. It burned. O goodness. Last time when the meds went into my tummy it burned a tiny bit... nothing bad.
Tonight I nearly passed out as soon as I started injecting the meds. But I made it through. It was a little harder then the last time I'm not sure why. And it bled LOTS. I was amazed when I took the needle out. Sean was amazed, I've never seen him move so fast as he did to stop that blood. He's my sweetie pie. He won't let me do any cleaning or cooking after I do a shot. He just wants me to lay down and rest. That might have a little something to do with me passing out the first time I did a shot...
For the rest of our evening what do we have planned???? My husband has been wandering around the house in a daze saying "I want candy.... I want candy...." So of course he won't let me clean or cook dinner but there are cookies in the oven now!! Just for my sweetie pie. Love him.

projects that have kept me busy....

So the first step I've had to take to keep from going insane with all this waiting is... FILLING up my time. ALL my time. Here are some of the projects I've done....

Baby burp rags... After having dinner with a cousin the other day and we saw exactly how many they used in one hour... I asked my mother in law to show me how to do these!!! I've been making these like CRAZY.

Bella Classico Photography
by Lauren Stewart

(here are a couple images)

Dresser.... Big project #1. I transformed this into a BEAUTIFUL dresser perfect for a baby's room. And I love it. It was a gift from Sean's mom, and my mom and I turned it into a perfect piece of furniture.

This is Palin. She is the cutest TINIEST little baby in the whole world. We got her a few weeks ago and she took up all my time. But she actually came to us with Parvo and died a short time later. It was really hard. But she's a doll... We loved her!