Anyways, it's very interesting to sit back and hear what the women around me have to say. It started out normal. Just "very blessed to have children" or "kids are so hard I struggle daily not to harm them" and things like that. "teenage pregnancies" all that jazz.
Finally a lady spoke up. Her and her husband had tried for 10 years to have children of their own and could not. She told her story about trying and trying to do as the Lord has commanded and to "multiply and replenish the earth" She was a woman about my mothers age and you could tell (or I could because I had that same look on my face for two solid years) that she was not ok with the lot she had been given. I cried to hear her story. Yes, I know the pain of wanting children but mine only lasted for two years. The very longest two years of my life I can't imagine going 10 years. She told her story of how she had prayed for those teenage mothers to have babies so she could become a mother through adoption. My heart ached so badly. I typically don't mind sharing my story with anyone. I'm an open book but I couldn't bring myself to tell of our struggles anyhow happily, we had finally had a child while she was still without.
Anyways, as she told her story I cried silent tears of gratitude for my son. My angel of mercy and love that was given to me by the Lord. And I cried at her pain. I could see in her face that she knew no one sitting in the room understood and she felt so alone. I am sad to say that I sat there idly and let her be alone. I just couldn't seem to find the time to share with her our story. Her story had no happy ending. She did not say if they ended up adopting or what happened because other women started raising their hands and their own stories. And honestly that hurt just as bad. They thought they were comforting the sweet lady who had no children of her own but I saw her pain all over her face.
Over and over mothers said how easily they had babies and how hard it was to make the decision to let those children in their homes but that they were thankful for aunts and cousins that hadn't been able to have children so they could help with theirs. I know it was all said with love in their hearts for the silently crying women but it was so hard to watch and listen to.
And after sitting there listening I had to remind myself that I had my trials so I could help those around me. I will not sit and let the loneliness wash the other women of their hope again. Now I know just because I have been in the same boat doesn't mean it will make them happy and feel ok. BUT I do remember how lonely I felt everyday just knowing that no one else had the same trials as I did. (in my mind I was the only one) So my goal is to raise my hand. To share more of what I have lived through. To be open and willing to give of my heart and to allow myself the chance to talk. share. listen. I will be better.
Next time I won't sit idly bye.
No comments:
Post a Comment