my secret fears....

I'm scared every day... Afraid I'll start cramping and bleeding..

I'm scared when I go in for a check up my baby won't be fine...

I'm scared with every tiny twinge of pain or weird thing that happens...

I worry daily.. I wake up at night.. I look at my belly most of the day.

Sean and I spent two years on our knees praying for a child. We went through medical hell to be told we are pregnant. I personally had to overcome my largest longest fear I've had, of needles. Not only had I avoided giving blood my whole life I passed out from fear of shots from the nurses since I can remember. I learned how to give an injection to a ball so that I could stick myself right into my belly. I also have always had a dislike for the DR's office. I just avoided it all together. With this I went in daily, every other day at the very least.

I learned how to love my DR and be thankful for what they do. Without their knowledge and hard work we wouldn't have had a baby. Without someone who cared as much as we did if we got pregnant, they wouldn't have pushed as hard and upped our doses like we needed. Without their compassion I wouldn't have overcome my fear a fast and as easily (if you can say easy...) without them pushing and showing understanding for me I would have probably given up on myself. I would have been the girl waiting in the lobby to have the nurse administer my shot when she had time. Or I would have been home crying, listening to all those around me get excited about their children and their pregnancy while i just prayed and cried. They helped me with my faith with their works and helped me show my faith with my works!!!

but even still having grown both in faith and person, I am scared. I worry every day and I guess that's normal. But after what we went through I'm sure it will stay this way till my baby is in my arms and then my fears will be gone... and replaced by a whole set of new ones!

so.. yes. I am scared everyday.

But mostly I am thankful everyday.